On the “Irrationality” of Pain Patients

Way too many doctors forget about the human behind the patient. They see a problem to solve, and bristle when those problems don’t uncritically accept their diagnosis and treatment, or lack thereof. They have to maneuver around annoying things like a person’s religious beliefs, distrust of medicine, or god forbid a desire to be a functioning human being despite their illnesses.

A recent op-ed was published in JAMA Internal Medicine entitled “Centers for Disease Control and Prevention Guideline for Prescribing Opioids, 2022—Need for Integrating Dosing Benchmarks With Shared Decision-Making.” Quite a mouthful, but nothing unreasonable on the face of it. No, you have to dig a little deeper and read the text to find the ignorant drivel of doctors who have no interest in understanding their patients.

The opinion piece is about the implementation of using something called the Shared Decision-Making method, where patients and doctors work together to make a treatment plan for their condition. That sounds perfectly fine to me. However, according to the authors, it is a problem to use it with people taking prescription opioids.

The reason? We’re irrational, of course.

Shared decision-making can provide a crucial first
step in patient engagement by clarifying the patient’s
perspective and enlisting patient agency in health pro-
motion. The value of SDM has been recognized for many
years but also has its limitations, including where pa-
tients make irrational or short-sighted decisions. 6 Ac-
cording to a recent review by Montori et al, 7 SDM is not
just about clinicians helping patients select the best evi-
dence-based treatment option but rather, “The patient
and clinician must collaborate to arrive at a useful for-
mulation of the problem.” Often, patients consider pain
intensity reduction as a necessary first step in chronic
pain treatment, but this is not consistent with the most
recent evidence.

Centers for Disease Control and Prevention Guideline for
Prescribing Opioids, 2022—Need for Integrating Dosing
Benchmarks With Shared Decision-Making by Mark D. Sullivan,
MD, PhD; Jeffrey A. Linder, MD, MPH; Jason N. Doctor, PhD

According to Sullivan, Linder, and Doctor, patients in pain have a desire not to be in pain and this makes us irrational in having a say in our own health and pain management. We also have the silly notion of wanting to address our severe pain before getting to the underlying problem. Coming from doctors who I can confidentially say have probably never been in an ER screaming in agony in the worst pain of their life and desperately crying for a moment of relief only to have doctors refuse to treat them because they assume they’re just a drug-seeking addict. I could be wrong, but I don’t think I am.

Every person has experienced some level of excruciating pain one way or another. Whether you touched a hot stove, had a migraine, broke a bone or stubbed a toe, we’ve had moments of agony. It is a universal and human reaction in these painful moments to not want to be in pain. Pain is overbearing and all-encompassing. You can’t think in severe pain and you certainly can’t function normally without relief. It is not irrational to need that to stop before taking on treatment like physical therapy.

The op-ed refers to a study that says pain treatment and improvement doesn’t require pain reduction to come first. Maybe that is true, but so what? Just because people are able to heal in severe pain doesn’t mean they should be required to do so. What is wrong with allowing people to recover from injury or illness in less pain? The notion that healing doesn’t necessitate pain relief likely doesn’t take into consideration the psychological toll of prolonged pain. Also, it’s not always about what is precisely accurate but what the humane and ethical thing to do is.

I personally am still in pain from foot surgery but I have made lots of progress in healing. Without the pain relief I received from opioids, I would not have been able to follow through on the physical therapy and make the progress I have made. Maybe I could have made the progress without pain relief, but why should I be forced to do so? I certainly don’t hold to the notion that enduring pain is some noble quality. Especially since I’m in pain from other illnesses and, despite my opioid use, I’m always in pain, struggling to just function every day.

We endure pain when we have to, but I think a lot of people’s notion of “have to” prefers everyone just suck it up always.

Fortunately, we have medicine so that people don’t needlessly have to endure excruciating pain from broken bones, surgery, and other painful diseases. Opioids have risks but we understand them well and I think it’s possible to communicate those risks. I’m not pretending opioids are safe and anyone in pain should have an all-access pass. However, we need to be able to talk to our doctors about pain relief options without doctors thinking our desire for pain relief is irrational or that the effects of a medication exempt us from a say in our care. Would these same doctors tell a person with cancerthat they’re irrational for wanting not to have cancer anymore? Because that’s genuinely what it sounds like here.

Of course, none of this even considers the reality of lifelong chronic pain. I will never not be in pain from fibromyalgia, a herniated disk and more. According to this op-ed, I’m irrational for not being able to see a fulfilling life without some measure of pain relief.

(4) although patients with chronic pain are
not usually at imminent risk of death, they often can see
no possibility of a satisfying life without a significant and
immediate reduction in their pain. This induces a sense
of crisis that shortens the time frame considered in
decision-making.

Centers for Disease Control and Prevention Guideline for
Prescribing Opioids, 2022—Need for Integrating Dosing
Benchmarks With Shared Decision-Making by Mark D. Sullivan,
MD, PhD; Jeffrey A. Linder, MD, MPH; Jason N. Doctor, PhD

The callousness of this sentimentand and lack of understanding is breathtaking. When you are suffering from severe amounts of pain, you have every right to want that pain to end as soon as possible.

Furthermore, life with chronic pain is a life where you constantly have to say no to social engagements because you’re in too much pain. Where pushing yourself to go out for a day or two means you are in bed for the next 3 days straight. Where you can’t pick up and hold your niece and nephew because it hurts too much. A life where you can’t work anymore or participate in your favorite hobbies that you practiced for years. Things that were enjoyable like reading a book become harder because of the pain that won’t leave your mind and body. Sitting and watching people have fun that you know you can’t join in or it will hurt for weeks.

You just exist, clinging to whatever few things you can still do to feel normal. How irrational of me to want to have a life that’s more than just existing.

They also claim there is no study to show the efficacy of long-term opioid use, but fail to mention why. It’s considered unethical to give someone in severe pain a placebo for a long time. It’s also true of all pain medications for the same reason. Funny how they tend to leave that bit out of their denouncement of long-term opioid use.

While there may not be a study showing long term use of opioids is beneficial, there are still anecdotes. Many many many anecdotes. Given we can’t get that perfect study, they count for something. But, oh right, we’re probably too irrational for these doctors to possibly accept our shared experiences. Still, Opioids are beneficial in the long-term for me, if anyone was actually wondering.

Luckily, I’m not the only one disagreeing with this article. Here’s part of a response entitled “Opioid Dosing by Primary Care Professionals — A Call for Humility”.

Sullivan et al disagree with this change in the CDC recom-
mendations. They argue that some long-term opioid users
are not reliable partners for shared decision-making because
they cannot accurately weigh the risks and benefits of opi-
oids for chronic pain, at least in part because of the effect
of long-term opioid therapy on their ability to make good
decisions.
We recognize that some readers may strongly disagree
with the arguments in the article. Explicit dose and duration
limits have been blamed for drug overdoses with illicit sub-
stances, as have rigid state rules and insurance denials. Many
will also disagree that patients using opioids are not capable
of robust shared decision-making. Primary care profession-
als generally highly value the inclusion of the patient’s per-
spective in decision-making, consistent with the principles
of patient autonomy and self-determination, and are loathe
to go against a patient’s wishes.
If nothing else, the practice of primary care teaches hu-
mility. Care of a patient with chronic pain is among the hard-
est issues we deal with. As primary care professionals, we have
found it helpful to tell patients that it is not recommended to
take more than a specific threshold of opioids and that we
do not want to prescribe something that is not recom-
mended. However, that does not mean sticking to rigid cut
points for dose and duration of opioid use, abandoning pa-
tients, or having them undergo too rapid a taper.

Opioid Dosing by Primary Care Professionals—A Call for Humility by Mitchell H. Katz, MD; Deborah Grady, MD

In this rebuttal, Katz and Grady acknowledge that hard limits and forced tapers have forced some to turn to illicit substances. They also argue that you can include pain patients in the discussion of their care and make them aware of the risks. I can say this has been my experience with my current pain doctor.

There’s nothing wrong with trying to figure out better ways to use opioids in ways that are as effective and safe as possible. However, this op-ed by Sullivan et al really doesn’t suggest anything new, especially when it comes to peddling alternative therapies that range from minimally effective to straight up pseudoscience. Sorry, there’s just no comparison with pain relief when it comes to opioids.

It is also a bit ironic they are worried about drug diversion, when opioid supplies have been intentionally held back and shortages are causing patients to go though unnecessary and awful withdrawals. I recently had to go though withdrawal because of a prescription mixup for half a day and it was exhausting. Your body doesn’t want to stop moving and everything becomes more painful, full of sensory overload. No one should be forced to go through that because the current problem of opioid death isn’t even primarily RX medications anymore. It’s illicit opioids laced with fentanyl. Everyone knows this but doctors like these continue pushing for stockpile reduction that directly harms pain patients.

Recently, I watched a documentary on Prohibition. There were lots of specifics I didn’t know, like how doctors would sometimes prescribe alcohol and had an exemption for this during prohibition. (Not enough to get really sloshed though.) Of those who drank during this time, they drank so much more that alcohol-related illnesses actually rose in numbers. I knew home brews and distilleries were made but I didn’t know that rubbing alcohol was poisoned deliberately to avoid its use as drinking alcohol. People drank it anyway. Many died.

I think most Americans agree that Prohibition was a complete failure. The film I watched repeatedly said that you can’t legislate morals, which I agree with. I would also say that you can’t legislate addictions either. Opioids are not the same as alcohol; they should not be recreational like alcohol. However, they are medically necessary to treat people in agonizing pain, whether it is from injury, surgery or disease. Doctors have an ethical imperative to treat their patients to the best of their ability, and that includes relieving pain.

The film also made the point that about 10% of the population has alcoholism, and prohibition tried to stop their behavior by stopping everyone’s access. To deny medication based on risk that has been measured to be anywhere from 10% to 1% percent of the population, depending on the source. That’s 90%-99% of the population whose medical needs are being ignored for fear of a risk that we have warning signs and treatments for. Is it really logical to deny people pain relief, or have people apply a morality to taking opioids that people have also applied to alcohol? Battling addiction is far more successful when you try to actually help addicts on their level instead of just condemning the object of their addiction and banning it. It just goes underground.

If restrictions actually worked, maybe I would not be so upset by op-eds like these, but they clearly don’t. The unforeseen consequences of Prohibition killed many people who did not need to die. The same goes for the opioid crisis. This crisis is claiming not only addicts, but pain patients too who have been forced off or tapered on their opioid medication. Maybe they committed suicide, have a medical complication due to withdrawal, or suffered an overdose on illicit opioids laced with fentanyl in their desperation for pain relief. Unintended consequences, I know, but I saw that one coming the whole time.

Lastly, let’s consider the source. The author, Dr. Mark D. Sullivan, much like us irrational pain patients, has his own biases and conflicts of interest. He has testified as an expert for Physicians for Responsible Opioid Prescribing (PROP), which has its influence on anti-opioid measures.

The 2016 CDC Guidelines were heavily influenced by PROP. When they came about, my state passed laws based on them that had a direct effect on my health. I was denied opioids for months for no good reason. I also cannot take the pain regiment that works best for me because the DEA doesn’t think I should be on two different opioids. And as mentioned before, due to the red tape around opioid prescriptions, I went into forced withdrawal for no good reason.

It’s clear to me that doctors who can put their name to sentiments in this op-ed do not see the full human being sitting before them in the exam room. We are not a problem to be solved, but a person to be helped. Relieving pain always helps.

The Changes to the CDC’s Guide for Prescribing Opioids Changes Nothing for Pain Patients.

I became a pain patient right around the time the CDC published its guidelines regarding opioids. I was initially given opioids for acute back pain and then suddenly no more. It was as if in the blink of an eye my doctors no longer cared that I was in pain. Many of the guidelines were codified into law by my state’s governor and no one wanted to help me anymore.

One practitioner told me to my face I just need to exercise more. Months of arguing with doctors until finally getting an MRI to diagnose my degenerative disc disease. Only then was I referred to a pain clinic and eventually I found someone who was willing to treat my pain. I was lucky. Many pain patients during these times were absolutely not.

Photo by James Yarema on Unsplash
[ID: A pile of large white pills on a grey surface.]

Can you imagine being on a prescription that helps you for over a decade and having it forcibly tapered or cut off for no good reason? Now imagine it’s your pain medication, and that’s the difference between functioning as normally as possible and not at all. No changes to the current CDC Guidelines for Prescribing Opioids can ever bring back those who died of medical complications or suicide as a direct result of these draconian guidelines.

The Changes to the CDC Guidelines also cannot change the laws that states enacted to codify the recommendations into law. It does not change the DEA’s intentionally decreased opioid supply. It cannot reverse the opioidphobic attitudes many of the revised guidelines still uphold.

Yes, its true, they removed the limitation on prescriptions being higher than 90MME, but apparently “the devil is in the details“. The new wording may unintentionally lead to an interpretation that 50MME is now the preferred maximum dosage.

They also repeat the lie that there is no evidence for long term opioid use because of no long term clinical trials. While true, they omit that the reason is the ethical ramifications of giving someone in severe pain for a long period of time a placebo. Double blind trials are ideal but not the only possible way of obtaining medical data on the long term efficacy of opioids.

We cannot hang our hat on these revisions; the fight continues as ever. We need to come together to challenge opioidphobic laws and attitudes towards pain patients. Revisions will never be enough, and the CDC needs to do better.

(Please Note: This post was originally written in the spring but not published then due to medical reasons)

Spring Already?

I’ve been too silent lately. A new blog like mine should be doing everything to get out there, especially writing blog posts. When I think of what stops me from becoming that prolific writer I’ve always wanted to be, it often comes back to the fact I can’t get myself to just start. I’m also often overwhelmed by where to start. ADHD at its finest.

I have high hopes for this blog but they can only go as high as I am able to lift. I have every intention of addressing the latest 2016 CDC Opioid Guidelines update that has claimed to loosen the restrictions on opioid limits. Of course there’s more too it and a lot to be said on it’s impact. I will have a post on that as soon as possible.

In a couple of weeks I will have surgery, hopefully my post will be ready by then. It’s foot surgery, so I’ll be having a lot of time to sit, and think, and write. Let us hope. I think I also may start looking for a co-author to help keep the content coming.

Another hope I have for this site is a potential email and phone campaign to change laws now in place in many states as a result of the original CDC Guidelines. I’ve also considered including the media in this campaign. That will take a lot more work, but it is something I really hope to accomplish. My biggest frustration is how ignored this plight is. If we can do something to bring awareness and potentially even change laws, we must try.

Undoubtedly, I have a vision I wash to pull off that is constantly pushed aside by my own illnesses. Sometimes I can pull through and get it done and sometimes I can’t. Please bear with me as I find this blog’s footing and help with the content.

The Common Narrative for the Opioid Crisis Is a Complete Fiction.

One fact of life that I have learned as I get older is that problems rarely have simple causes and equally simple solutions. When a plane crashes, it’s never just one single cause but a multitude of issues culminating in a crash. The same is true for the opioid crisis. We have seen the same media report claiming that over-prescribing opioids have led to the rise in overdoses and we have tried to restrict our way out of it ever since. Prescriptions for opioids are at an all-time low while overdoses are at an all-time high. Meanwhile, pain patients continue to be forgotten collateral.

Image Source: Anesthesiology. The opioid paradox: Graph showing that prescriptions are declining while opioid overdose deaths are increasing over the past decade.

In early March 2016, I threw out my back and suddenly what had been reoccurring back pain turned into constant pain. To this day, I have not had complete relief from lower back pain; I can only reduce it with opioids, namely Tramadol these days. I have used opioids many times without any issues, but if I was a story on local news, my never-ending back pain would be the tragic start of my inevitable addiction. Instead, I lived the trauma of being denied necessary medication for no good reason.

When the incident first occurred, I was given Vicoden and it helped. I remember asking for a lower dose because if I take too much I get a nasty headache, which is the reason I don’t worry about addiction for myself. Then suddenly in the spring of 2016, Governor Baker signs a bill restricting opioid prescriptions based on the 2016 CDC Guidelines for Opioids and I cannot get another prescription to relieve my pain. I have extremely high pain levels for my back, and yet I had to suffer untreated. I ended up leaving my job for disability and I still cannot work. After months of fighting the issue with my doctors, I received the diagnosis of a herniated disk and sent to a pain clinic. I have been on opioids ever since.

The time spent not properly medicated was hard enough, but when I finally did have access to my medication I kept coming across unnecessary hurdles, and frankly bullshit from pharmacists, just to get my prescription. The worst was when the pandemic forced a change to only using electronic scripts. Due to the rules around opioids, doctors had to prescribe each month separately and not as a refill. CVS would dump the second script and when I called asking for my refill, they told me the script did not exist and it was a problem with my doctor. Luckily I have an understanding pain clinic, but I ended up transferring my pain medication to Walgreens because I had enough gaslighting from certain CVS employees. Still, every time I fill my prescription, I get anxious something will come up and I will be forced to endure days without my pain medication. That is a constant fear I live with every time my pills get low.

My story is not the only one of its kind, but it is consistently ignored. News reports covering the addiction crisis cherry-pick stories that match the narrative of an “innocent” person getting injured and then getting addicted to opioids after surgery. All thanks to doctors duped by Big Pharma. Addiction is certainly a tragic reality and one I would never downplay. However it’s important to understand that addiction cannot simply be blamed solely on the substance they abuse, other risk factors are at play. Many people use addictive substances without issue. Furthermore, it’s well understood that addiction often occurs from drug diversion, such as a family member stealing from a relative with a legitimate prescription.

The reality is that addiction has risk factors such as terrible socioeconomic circumstances, mental illness, trauma, and even genetics. Exposure to opioids alone does not cause addiction, and there are many aspects of addiction that are ignored in favor of the familiar narrative around opioid addiction. It’s easy to blame pharmaceutical companies and doctors for this crisis, but we didn’t get here on the addictive quality of these pills alone. People are suffering and dealing with an illness, and that requires a far more complicated approach that restrictions can never address. This is why people continue to die.

A new tv show aired on Hulu called Dopesick, and full disclaimer I have not watched it, but it’s peddling the same story that the opioid crisis is the fault of Big Pharma pushing addictive pills. While media can write all the stories they want to match this narrative, the truth is not so simple. We are told time and again that it was doctors who overprescribed pain pills and if we just stop overprescribing the problem will stop. After over 5 years of the 2016 CDC Guidelines restricting prescriptions, overdose deaths have continued to rise while legal opioid prescriptions are at an all-time low.

I am not addicted to opioids, but I do understand addiction. Many in my family have suffered from drug or alcohol addiction. Meanwhile, I struggled with nicotine addiction; first with smoking and then with vaping. I understand the stigma, and I know what it’s like to lose people to addiction. It took many tries to quit cigarettes and vaping until finally, I tried a more modern approach — I used Chantix and I’ve been nicotine-free since.

What does a modern approach to drug addiction look like? New York City opened the first of its kind Overdose Prevention Center aimed at giving opioid users a safe place to inject and avoid overdosing. These places also provide information and resources for people who want to quit. However, because many consider addiction a moral failing of being unable to quit, these safe injection sites are controversial. If the goal is to prevent overdose deaths, then reason and statistics dictate that this approach is necessary. Unfortunately, people are usually more concerned with controlling addicts and not putting in the effort to actually help.

As stated before, the issue is complicated, but I do know that our unwillingness as a society to deal with addiction on a humane level plays a huge part in why these deaths continue to rise. We will never find our way out of the crisis if we keep using one narrative as the logic behind every attempt to deal with the problem. Dopesick just repeats the same tired tropes that demonize a medication that legitimately helps millions of people.

Recently, two states have ruled in favor of the pharmaceutical companies, and we need consider why that is. If you have surgery and then your child steals your pills and gets addicted, how is that the fault of the company and doctor that gave you the medication in good faith?

We need to start looking at the opioid crisis as a multifaceted issue with many causes. Addiction can never be resolved through restriction and overdoses will continue to rise. Addicts will suffer and pain patients will suffer because people who don’t know what it’s like to have chronic pain or addiction feel self-righteous about refusing to legitimately help us. We need new ideas based on science to battle addiction, and we need to treat pain patients with what actually works. Morals have no business dictating solutions for either addicts or pain patients. Science must rule the day.

When it comes to addiction and chronic pain, don’t accept the simple answer. Strive to see the whole picture and base solutions on what actually works.

Opioid Restrictions Are Nothing More Than Security Theater

Anyone who has ever flown post 9/11 has had to undergo increasingly invasive TSA searches, and yet we put up with it. In part, because we can’t fly if we don’t, but also it makes many people feel safe. It’s seen as a necessary inconvenience. It doesn’t matter that most terrorism is stopped by behind-the-scenes counter-terrorism by various agencies than privacy-invading body scans. However, the public can’t see or know about every instance prevented, hence the need for my increased visible security whether it helps or not.

Photo by Rayner Simpson on Unsplash – [ID: Back of a man in a yellow security vest and 3 shoppers in the background]

To be fair, there’s something to be said for using a fake camera to discourage theft in a store, but it’s another to put people through dehumanizing screening when the process may be more costly, inconvenient, or even deadlier than any perceived benefit. The TSA airport screening has been often criticized as security theater that guzzles up money and even increases car accident deaths as people choose to fly less to avoid screenings.

The restrictions created by the 2016 CDC Opioid Guidelines are also a form of security theater. It seems obvious to many that if people are killing themselves accidentally with opioids, why not make it harder to get? If it were that simple, prohibition would have stopped alcohol consumption.

When it comes to addictive substances there is always a black market. The restrictions put in place didn’t stop addiction, it just changed where people get their drugs. Don’t get me wrong, it’s good to stop doctors who are intentionally profiting off addiction. I won’t pretend doctors like that don’t exist, but if the goal is to reduce overdoses then only focusing on legal prescriptions is like putting your finger in a hole in the dam and ignoring the larger gaping hole next to you. CDC data shows a decrease in prescription-related deaths while overdose deaths continue to rise due to illicit fentanyl.

Restricting addictive substances through legal means is easy. Actually trying to combat addiction and its root causes is much harder. We don’t have all the answers to addiction, but one thing is clear, making it harder for pain patients to access their beneficial opioid medications is not helping addicts and is devastating pain patients. Not only does the death toll of overdoses continue to rise, but many pain patients have committed suicide. Why would we continue a policy that doesn’t stop overdoses and causes more pain, suffering, and death?

Pain patients and addicts deserve better than to be collateral in this security theater that lets politicians and the CDC pat themselves on the back without actually solving the problem.

Recent JAMA Study Shows Forced Tapering Caused Pain Patients to Use Illicit Drugs.

Another conclusion of the Journal of the American Medical Association (JAMA) study, published earlier this month, showed that forced tapering triggered more mental health crises and overdoses. I hear this and can’t help but remember how many times — since the 2016 Opioid CDC Guidelines were published — I said this would be the outcome.

Photo by James Yarema on Unsplash – [ID: Prescription bottle with pills spilling out.]

I suffered from the first waves of opioid cuts and tapering. I was denied opioids despite suffering from severe back pain that was eventually diagnosed as degenerative disk disease. At the time, I turned to marijuana, which is approved for medical use in my state. It wasn’t enough, and I considered seeking out black-market opioids. Fortunately, I was given access to opioid medications after a few months and did not have to go down that road.

When you’re disabled you often have a lot of doctor appointments, and when the 2016 CDC Guidelines were first announced I couldn’t help but comment on it. I said that the guidelines will drive more pain patients to illicit drugs. Some agreed; some didn’t discuss it; and one nurse said, “I hadn’t thought of it like that.” That response was the most frustrating of all. Shouldn’t a nurse know that taking someone off a medication based on a guideline and not their health means these patients’ need for pain relief has not abated? They’ve been stripped of a pain regimen that helped them live their life with less pain; yoga won’t help. Many will continue to want the same level of pain relief — as they should — and yet access has been extremely limited.

Furthermore, being in pain is in and of itself a mental health crisis. If you do not suffer from chronic or constant pain, you can’t know how changing and life-altering it is. It seems to me that without question, reducing one’s pain medication inevitably leads to more crises.

In a world that likes to assume anyone seeking help is just “crying wolf”, so many find it easy to deny people pain relief. Especially by labeling us as drug-seekers, as if they can easily and objectively distinguish between people in desperate need of high-level pain relief and someone acting for a high. I’ve personally been kicked out of a hospital and called a drug-seeker because the nurses and doctors thought my actions, due to pain, were drug seeking. Pain patients that don’t fit a perfect mold are often labeled drug seekers just because they asked for an opioid that they have used before, safely and effectively.

While the study is small and limited in scope, I feel it vindicates something I have said for five years now. I don’t doubt further studies and analyses will continue to show a similar result. I believe addicts deserve help, but this study shows me that society’s current attitudes towards addiction and opioids are killing addicts and chronic pain patients alike.

The CDC has claimed they will be updating their 2016 guidelines, but for better or for worst? They lost my trust a long time ago.

Welcome To the #PainKills Project Blog and Website

I used to love this show on the SyFy channel called Farscape back when I was a teen in high school. There is an episode where the crew finds out their pilot, also named Pilot, is joined incorrectly to their living ship called a leviathan. Antagonists in the character’s past wanted to rush replacing a pilot, so they did it in a way that left him in constant pain. They told him they couldn’t fix it and said, “you’ll get used to it.” The episode ends with Pilot ripping out the connection, which then allowed him to join with the leviathan the long but natural way. As the scene played out, Pilot said a line I will never forget: “Finally, the pain is gone.” It was one of those things that just hit me hard because I never knew people could be in constant pain, and without hope of a cure. Some expect you to just put up with it, meanwhile, others aren’t even aware of your pain. It struck me as a horrible fate; a fate I would one day experience myself.

At this time in my life, I suffered from migraines, so I understood chronic pain and I understood people discounting it. But a constant, never-ending type of chronic pain? How could anyone live with it? Truth is, many do. As much as One in Five Americans suffer from chronic pain, some reoccurring, while for others it is constant. Sometimes it’s a life-altering event like a car crash, or it can occur as a slow onset from disease. Pain that you feel often –and used to manage with ibuprofen – inevitably becomes a monster you can no longer control. My path was the latter. I often think of how it was like the dominos kept falling, one illness after another until one day I threw out my back at work. I left the building in an ambulance, and I left my job a few months later to go on disability.

I became a chronic pain patient in March of 2016 when states were starting to clamp down on opioid prescribing to try to stop the growing opioid overdoses. One moment pain-relieving opioids were an obvious medication for my pain, the next I was completely denied them and told to exercise more. It wasn’t until I got diagnosed with degenerative disk disease that I was able to start going to a pain clinic. I was lucky enough to find a pain doctor I like and who I feel listens to me and tries to help me, though sometimes stymied by the DEA and CDC Guidelines restricting what he can do. So while I may have access to opioids, I do not have access to sufficient pain relief.

I started the #PainKills hashtag to help people understand that when you develop chronic pain, your life as you knew it is gone. Pain kills our jobs, our friendships, our hobbies, our activism, our interests, and sometimes even our lives. Unfortunately, because of these very things, I have not been able to promote the hashtag campaign as I wanted. It also means running this blog will be a big challenge for me, but I feel a need to do something and blogging is a lot easier for me than social media campaigns. So I’m planning to blog about any and all issues related to chronic pain, disability, and the so-called opioid crisis.

Therefore, I’m expanding on #PainKills into this blog and website as a source for those who wish to help but don’t know all the facts or what they can do. The Learn More section of the website is like a 101 crash course on the issues surrounding chronic pain patients, opioids, the 2016 CDC Guidelines, and ideas on how to get involved. I recommend the Fact Vs. Fiction page for all the claims I have made – backed with sources. This will eventually include more content like reading recommendations as well as upcoming events and online campaigns. Thus, this website is the #PainKills Project, a two-pronged approach with a hashtag and blog to help counter misinformation about legal opioid use, and help tell our stories of brutal tapering and sudden, unnecessary withdrawals.

The CDC has stated it is planning to update the opioid guidelines, while two states in the US (OK, NH) have made laws against CDC Guidelines getting in between doctors and chronic pain patients. These guidelines will not last forever. There are opportunities to fight back and educate the public on two basic facts: the opioid crisis is not solved by limiting legal prescriptions, and pain patients are dying due to these restrictions. I truly believe we can use opioids safely while still using safety nets and science-based methods to battle addiction. Chronic pain patients and addicts deserve compassion and fact-based treatment. That’s all I’m asking for.

I hope you consider following and sharing this blog. If you have any feedback, please don’t hesitate to contact me.